life is just way too unpredictable sometimes. i swear. as soon as i really started letting go and was becoming more content and happier with my life. some more shit goes down. i was THIS close to letting it all go. i started accepting the facts and i started forgiving. and i forgave for my benefit, not his but mine. i never forgave anybody. i always had too much pride. but after i read this book i started realizing my resentfulness and pride just always got in the way of me being happy and okay with things in the past. i could just never forgive it. but after i learned to forgive, i started letting go. and as soon as i did that. he came back with terrible news. news that really gets me. news that i was always fucking worried about. and this breaks my heart. it just really... hurts. and i can't help but be there for somebdoy who needs me. through all of the terrible things that has happened between us, its weird how i finally forgave all of it and accepted everything and became at peace with our whole situation, he comes around telling me all of this shit thats going on and i'm sitting there at complete peace with everything in our past and we just click once again.

you know whats funny? even tho we've been broken up for so long. went on weeks without talking to eachother. we always still had that connection there. i had dreams about him every night and one night he texted me saying "why do i dream about you every single night and not one night goes by that i don't dream about you" you know whats funny about this? that very night he texted me that i was thinking that to myself. when we see eachother at a party or anywhere randomly. that spark is always there. that fire is still burning. but we were too afraid to go near it because we both had issues.. we both needed to learn to truly forgive one another and become at peace with the situation. and after what he's going through i think he realized because i know i realized. and through all of the tears we both shared, i know he's somebody i'll always look out for. always protect. and always have love for. you know why this ex boyfriend of mine is such a good guy? because he would do anything for me, my mom, and my family. and he's been there through all of my families sweat and tears. and he fought through our life style with us. and helped me. and was one of us. and even tho my mom doesn't agree with the shitty things we've done to eachother she too can not help but love him and care for him.

i don' tknow what it is. or why this happens. or how it is that we always just... start talking again. but i don't think through time or anything can break what we have between us. and too be completely honest. nobody knows shit between us. they really really don't. and those that do. support us in every choice that we make with eachother..


i hope everything turns out okay.. i really doo..



and oppa. you need to hurry up and come home. especially before christmas... i miss you <3 id="gwProxy" type="hidden">