i miss you more then i can even put down in words. and its like.. nothing is the same without you here at home ): i miss you. and everytime i think about the situation and everything that went down it makes me want to stop everything i'm doing, drop to my knees and cry. i have nobody to talk to at home since majority of the time everybody else is at work. when we watch tv downstairs its not the same without you here. i can't even enjoy my life right now because i don't think its fair to you. i can't even fully enjoy a meal because i think about what you're eating in there. its uncomfortable trying to sleep knowing you aren't in the next room over. i can't even enjoy home as much. and all of us sit around and talk and we all get angry then sad then we laugh and we all just turn silent thinking of the situation and how much we miss you and we silently just cry. you don't know the affect you had on each and every single one of us. you've done so much for me and i can't wait til you come back home. seeing you today was just out of this world. and god damn andrew. you know of allt he heart break i've felt in life, all the pain i've gone through, all the bull shit, and just all that heart ache. but leaving the facility i never knew how much i could fucking hurt. because i get to walk out and come back to home, a comforting place that we all love to be at, and you walk back to nothing. and it broke my fucking heart. i feel so helpless. i'd put myself in jail and pretend i was a guy just so i can be with you and spend the time with you because i'd sacrifice my life for you like that. i wouldn't fucking care if i was in jail. i just want to know you really are okay. through all the shit that has happened the past few years, i don't really regret anything because you know we all fucking love you so much. words can't even describe our familys connection with eachother. and andrew check this. without you here, man i get so much more irritated.. its weird. you were always there to sooth out a situation or lighten up the mood, or tell somebody when their trippin or to calm down. and what you did always worked. i just miss you, and i miss having you getting me food and bringing home all those snacks late at night. i can't wait til you finally come home so i can make sure none of this will ever happen again. and its crazy, i've felt numerous accounts of heart break in the past and i've felt the ache, the way everything feels so heavy on your chest, losing your appetite, the way your stomach drops but i've never felt anything like this. i never knew it could hurt this bad.. words can't even describe. never in my life have i ever felt so helpless and without hope i would become nothing. i just hope everything turns out okay