i feel completely detached... i don't know what happened. and i don't know why i do this to myself. i don't know why i look back for even a quick second. i don't know if its just with tonight but something feels different tonight. it doesn't feel right. i feel like i need to fix this. i don't know why i always feel like i have to fix every unsolved problem. i hate leaving problems unsolved and i hate to leave things unsaid. i can't believe shit has come down to this. i can't believe we both did this. i need something. i want something. but what. what the fuck do i want now? why is it that when i think i figured it out it just gets jumbled up again and i sit there looking at the situation and say to my self for the 100th time "now what..." what the fuck. i can't bring myself to find out what i truly want. i know one thing for sure and that is the fact that i want 100% satisfaction happiness and to be content. and as soon as i feel like i'm 95% there it just falls back. its so difficult. life is so difficult. and life should be fucking easy. what the fuck do i want!! ugh. and i heard this quote "if you don't know what you want, you end up with alot you don't" and that is my life fucking story for the past 2 years. i am never satisfied. i am selfish. i am always wanting more. i am a piece of shit. i am human. i am fucking human. and this is what the fuck i get. i need to figure this out. and by the end of tonight i will fucking figure it out. because through all of the bullshit, all the confusion, and unsolved problems. i will figure this out. and i will find my peace once again. at this very moment, my peace is my music, my meditation, and my relaxing mind. writing is a great release its almost equivalent to fucking and getting that ending release you get where you feel so relaxed as soon as the tension and all that build up is released. yes. a release. good night blog. and thank you blog. for being my emotional release. goodnight world