eeeep had a long day today. went to work and was running on 5 hours of sleep while being hung over and feeling shitty. no fun. this week was quite the successful week. getting into two different clubs for freeeee :] i love the people that i know. had an amazing.. intense. tearful. emotional. great talk as well. all the while being drunk. so thats probably why i cried like that. but you know what... i think it was an amazing release for me :] life has been quite interesting to meeee. so many suprises and so many things being constantly thrown at me. and its all so unexpected and expected.

its funny to look back at my life now. i almost feel like it was all nothing that truly existed. and i hope in the years to come i will never remember the memories from the past few years. i don't care about the good memories and i don't care about the bad memories. i don't want to remember any of it. and this very time period in my life is a life changing and learning experience. too be completely honest. through all of the bullshit i have been put through. i would like to thank all of you who have put me through shit. because you have all made me stronger. you have all made me the better person that i am today. thank you my dears. i don't thank you for the good times or the person i was when i was with you. i thank you for making me stronger from your bullshit. i never once in my life knew how sick people could be. i never knew people could lie so much. i never knew people didn't have a guilty conscience because i have a terrible guilty conscience. i always knew humans were selfish but i never realized how selfish. and i never once in my life realized how dissappointing people can truly end up being in the end. and through all my friendships, ex boyfriends, and all the in betweens. it always turns out the exact same. why can't someone just prove this theory wrong to me. why can't somebody just prove to me that some things can last forever and not everybody is a dissappointment. the only people you will ever have in life is family. because through thick and thin family never gives up. family never fails. family just keeps growing and becoming stronger. all in all i have learned and figured out the reality of shit and the way people work. and it almost... disgusts me.


lets see what i have coming for me in the future. because honestly. this shit is going to be wayyyy more interesting now since my perspective on shit is hella different now