wow wow. i must say. i have officially found my peace. its so funny how i truly am the kind of person who just sulks and cries and bawls and is so DEPRESSED over a guy. and that isnt the funny part. the funny part is the fact that this episode of being so sad and depressed only lasts for 2-3 days. and i remember day 1 everybody felt so bad to see my crying like that and breaking down. and i remember telling somebody "i'm only like this because this just happened. i just realized everything really is gone. but give me 2-3 days and i'll be okay. just let me cry and sulk and take it all in" and that was exactly what i did. i cried. i sulked. i bawled. i broke down. i hated life to the max for a little. and then its just like boom. its done. and i'm back to normal. its so weird how i get like that. i dont get how other people can sulk for so many days and weeks on end. i dont get it. i'm happy for myself. cuz those 2-3 days was HELL. and i was wondering how long i'd be like that. worried i'd be in that state for a long time.. but of course not. like sombody told me "youre not human to be that way" but its not that. i think its jsut the fact that i let everything hit me SO hard. i bring myself to hit rock bottom so fucking hard. that i literally BREAK. and then i afterwards i dont know what happens... i just get right back up. like nothing ever happened. like i was never in a relationship. its all the past to me now. and i'm looking forward to my future. at one point i cant believe i wanted to pick up all the fucked pieces and work it out. its so clear to me now that there is nothing to fix cuz nothing is even left. its like the pieces that were broken just vanished. it all disappeared. its amazing. its good i have such a strong mental mind cuz then i'd be weak. from all that i've gone through the past 2 years i will take the knowledge that i have recieved and use it in my power today and for tomorrow. i will forget all the rest of everything that is behind me. i will never look back again. just like i did with the rest of them.


i am happy. i am satisfied. i am content. i am at home. my new home.