WOW. so the past week has been the craziest weirdest most unstable week of my entire life. jesus christ. so much shit happened between me and my boyfriend. that we ended up breaking up and i did it for alot of reasons. but the main reason was because he needs to grow up and get his shit together. yes he's been a good boyfriend. yes i'm in love with him and yes we are crazy about eachother that i think being at the young age of only 17 and 18 that our bodies can barely handle these kinds of emotions for ourselves. its so hard that i don't know what to do with myself. but for the FIRST time ever i think times are going to finally change and things are going to be set straight. i'm excited for the future. i'm excited for whats to come. though i'll hope for the worst i know that when the best comes i'll be so much more content with my life. even though it sounds almost pessimistic of me i'm being optimistic but just reminding myself that the worst can come out of the situation which makes me ready for the time if something bad does happen between us. even though i had a fun weekend i realized how much i'm in love with him. how much he still is in my mind. how much i want to just talk about him. how much i just wished he was there so i could feel content with myself. and my heart was aching every moment going by. my stomach would drop thinking that he wasn't thinking about me in return. but to only realize of course he's thinking about me. we're crazy about eachother. and how could we not be together? and i truly hope that this is the moment that could finally help us make things work out the way its suppose too. we have to cut the bull shit. do what we got to do and only be there for eachother and family. even though i'm completely head over heels for the dude i know that in any given moment i will always be able to stand on my own and say "its over". when i have too. gosh i lost so much weight the past week over this shit too. ): but even though it was a rough time and still is, its time for the real shit with no bull shit. and thats what makes me happy. because i know he's in love with me. and if you don't know that your guy is in love with you then something is obviously wrong with you. you have to know your man like a book. and if you don't know your man like a fucking book then you better figure that shit out. he's lucky i know how he is as a person cause if i didn't i would have said fuck you i'm out a LONNNNGG time ago..

anyways i don't understand why other people talk about our relationship either. especially when we don't even know the damn people. don't people have anything better to talk about? like who says "i wonder if he's going to go back to his ex since they broke up" are you kidding me? why the fuck would he? he got with her in the first place to get over me. he got with me after like 3 years because he couldn't try falling out of love with me. and he was never with her if his heart was still given to me. but i guess its a good thing that we are talked about too. people care enough to try and get into our relationship and see what we are going to do "next". which is why i can't wait to get out of high school. leave all the bullshit. say peace out to all the dumb bitches. move on with my life and be happy with the one i love and my family. and later on in life you'll start to figure that out too. because no matter what friendships fail just like relationships fail. but when you know you found that person, shit never fails. there are problems and rough patches and big obstacles to get through but the point is that you get through it with that person which makes you that much stronger. and i realized too... all the friends i got are all my true friends. the ones that'll always be there. and you know in the future i don't know if it will fail either but i do know that if it were to fail or lose contact, we would still be there for eachother for a shoulder to cry on or anything at all. and i guess life is all about trial and error. and i've way too many errors in my life that i'm starting to really figure out how everything gets worked out so there are no more errors.


and like i always said before. through thick and mother fucking thin, we can get through absolutely anything.